Written by dulcie gabbani
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Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Government health supremo's have told Manchester City that supporting the club has been deemed to be one of the most stressful activities known to medical science.

It has advised the club that from next season the match day programme should carry a warning to fans, that they are putting their health at risk by attending City games.

A Department of Health spokesman, Dr Stan Still told us, "Ive been a City fan since I was young, and its always been the same every single year. As a blue, you never know who's going to turn up on match day. They will win against the odds one week, and the following week will probably lose to a team, they should have beaten by a cricket score".

"However. The events of last Sunday have prompted the government to take some form of action, with a view to stopping the health of supporters been put at risk. If you watch the footage you will see why the government had to step in. At 90mins into the game (that City were supposed to win easily on paper) the score stood at 2-1 in favour of QPR, a result that would have cost City the league title".

TV footage showed fans biting their nails, beating up seats with knotted scarfs, and in some cases openly weeping. The stress was there to be seen on a mass scale"

"Move forward 2 minutes and City equalise. This still isn't enough to get them the title, but you can see the reactions of the fans is changing yet again. We now witness, hope, anxiety, crying, and excitement"

"One minute later, and all hell breaks loose. With the last kick virtually, they have won the game and the title" Now those same fans are going berserk, heart rates are going through the roof, and all this in the space of less than four minutes" This is why the health warning has to be applied by the club, the human body simply cannot cope with such massive changes in such a short space of time"

He went on to say "About an hour after the end of the game A & E departments and the Ambulance service were inundated with almost 2000 people complaining of chest pains and heart palpitations. It was noted that nearly all of them were wearing City shirts or blue and white scarves".

"They should take a look at clubs who seem to have a less stressed fan base. For example fans of Bolton, Wolves, and Liverpool rarely experience bouts of match day euphoria, because they lose on a regular basis, thus keeping excitement levels down to a safe level."

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