A report released today revealed that the vast majority of Manchester United fans remain in a state of shock, following Sunday's explosive climax to the Premier League season, as Manchester City scored twice in the final two minutes of added time, thus wresting the title from their illustrious neighbours.
And that most United fans have gone into hiding, and are steadfastly refusing to come out.
"My husband's locked himself in the cupboard under the stairs," Anne Shuttlecock - also A United fan - told reporters. "I've pleaded with the silly sod to come out, and even tried tempting him with cold beer, but he's not having it. He just keeps wailing and screaming and banging the walls. He won't eat or sleep - and at night I can hear him scratching the walls and door, and whimpering."
It's a not unfamiliar story for United fans all over the world.
There was sporadic gunfire reported in Mogadishu, as disgruntled United militia men went on a late night rampage shooting at passing traffic and screaming obscenities at foreign aid workers.
Similar scenes were reported in Hong Kong, Kuala Lumpur, Lagos, Capetown, Melbourne, and Valetta - although without the shooting.
Most United fans though, have been keeping a low profile and hiding out, fearful off having the micky ripped out of them by not only City fans, but Scousers and Cockneys too. We managed to contact one such fan via his mobile phone, and he told us:
"Of course I'm not coming out. At least for a year. Do you think I'm stark raving mad or something? This has put my entire life on hold. It's not just that they won it - it's we'll never hear the fucking last of it! They'll be worse than the Scousers after Istanbul, with their "We won it five times" crap. Don't get me wrong mate - they're worthy champions - it's just that we'll never hear the end of it. What's the betting that by next season they'll have incorporated Sergio Aguero into their version of 'Blue Moon'? The bastards."
Strong stuff indeed.
More as we get it.