Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 16 May 2012

image for The Oklahoma City Thunder Stomp The Los Angeles Lakers 119-90: Kobe Bryant Threatens To Have The Entire Lakers Team Traded
Pau Gasol writing Andrew Bynum a check for a Michael Jordan rookie basketball card he purchased from him.

OKLAHOMA CITY - The Oklahoma City Thunder made the Los Angeles Lakers look more like The Johnny Appleseed High School Apple Pie Bakers as they clobbered the Left Coast bunch 119-90.

After the game Kobe spoke with Sherwood Frisbee of Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly and told him that he has never been more embarrassed in his entire life including the time two years ago at a Lakers home game when he tripped and landed on Jack Nicholson's lap.

Kobe added that he is so ashamed of his teammates that he is seriously considering trading every single one.

He expressed to Frisbee that (Jack) Nicholson called him up on his cell phone and told him that the skinny little Laker girls could have played a better game than the Lakers and may have ended up losing by 19 points instead of 29.

Bryant was asked why it is that the Lakers are not as dominant this year as they have been in years past.

Number 24 grinned as he took three quick sips of Grape Gatorade and responded by saying, "Well Sherwood, for one thing, Pau (Gasol) is not totally focused on the game. He seems to be more involved in those hair grooming product commercials that he recently has been filming for Hair "Is" Me."

He then pointed out that Andrew Bynum seems to be more concerned with his stamp collecting hobby as he is always on the phone calling up this stamp collector or that stamp collector and looking for this particular stamp or that one.

Bryant then turned his focus to Metta World Peace and emphasized that ever since MWP changed his name from Ron Artest that he has just not been the same player.

Kobe said that now Metta actually looks more like former Laker Luke Walton except that Luke is white, he's shorter, and he's actually civilized.

The recently divorced Bryant emphasized that Mr. Peace is not executing the way Mr. Artest did. He also expressed the fact that since the silly name change Metta's 'get the ball' intensity has changed and he now just kind of waits for the damn ball to come to him.

Bryant was asked if his divorce has had any bearing on his play at all since he did end up having to give his ex-wife Vanessa a total of $75 million in the divorce settlement.

And with that question Kobe stood up and hollered that the interview was over. He pointed out that he had come to talk about the lackadaisical play of his teammates and not about the financial butt-kicking that he had received from Vanessa in the divorce settlement.

SIDENOTE: The beautifully sexy Vanessa Bryant ended up getting custody of their two children plus the titles to their three mansions Casa Slam Dunk, Casa Three Pointer, and Casa Nothing But Net. The three homes are valued at $18.8 million. "Yummy Vanny," as Vice-President Joe Biden calls her, also received a check for $56.2 million.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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