Jose Canseco has returned to Boston after a prolonged absence.
He used to play for the Red Sox-and willingly came to the 100th Fenway shindig a few weeks ago to flex his biceps to the adoring crowds.
The Welch's grapefruit juice toast at the Park was Jose's favorite part of the day. Anytime he can have juice with witnesses, he is game.
Consequently, he decided to stay in the local vicinity to play for the minor league baseball team in Worcester, called the Tornados.
The minor league team was named for the catastrophic tornado that swept through Worcester, Massachusetts, in 1953, destroying homes. They may have just asked another catastrophe to play for them.
Canseco has promised to be a guide and role model for the younger players. Mothers are warned to lock up their sons at night.
Jose looks fairly much as he did when he played hereabouts twenty years ago. He must be sipping from the Fountain of Youth, or are they now giving monkey gland shots for that?
Canseco may have lived in the local area before this, but he had no idea how to pronounce his new hometown city. He stumbled and fumbled worse than an old man trying to shag a fungo.
Even with kibitzers trying to cue him to the proper Bostonian enunciation, Jose was bereft.
It's not Woos-ter, like Rooster. It's Wuss-tah, like-well, a wuss.
And, though Babe Ruth's Sudbury palace has gone up for sale just a few miles from where the Worcester Tornados will play this summer, Canseco likely will not fork over the $1.6 million asking price to move in.
It would be a great place to take those young players under his wing and teach them how to throw a piano into the local lake, as Babe reportedly attempted in one of his less lucid moments of the 1920s.
We haven't had too many good laughs driving through Wuss-tah lately, but everything is now coming up roses.