WEMBLEY - As if losing the FA Cup final in controversial circumstances, when an Andy Carroll header appeared to have crossed the line, but was not given, the Liverpool team returned to their dressing room in disconsolate mood, only to learn that they had been robbed by some Cockney shyster or other.
"I saw a geezer in a pork pie hat and a hoody givin' it toes outside our dressing room," Liverpool's Jamie Carragher told reporters. "But I didn't think anything of it like. And that."
As the Liverpool players began to dress after the traditional bath together, many came to the realisation that they had been robbed.
Notable losses included Reina's spectacles, Steven Gerrard's dignity, Andy Carroll's pony tail, Kenny Dalglish's Glaswegian accent, and Dirk Kuyt's sense of direction.
The sporting Liverpool contingent in the crowd were so disgusted by this turn of events that they walked out of the stadium without even bothering to witness the presentation of the trophy to Chelsea skipper John Terry, by lingerie model Vanessa Perroncel.
"We bin robbed every which ways today," Liverpool fan Mickey McWhack grumbled on Wembley Way as he headed for Wembley Park tube station. "Carroll's header was well over the line by a good nine foot, but the linesman never seen it. An den dee robbed the team as well. It isn't supposed ter 'appen like dat. We're Scousers us, an it's us what should be doin' the robbin'. Not the Cockney divvies. I blame Bep 'Goal Line Technology My Arse!' Splatter meself. Him and Man United. It's a conspiracy I tell yers."
Liverpool boss, Kenny Dalglish, had this to say:
"Och a divnae huvnae larrup orna scoon forra fist huff frae a bad huv it ovver la lyne an aw that wirrup stains and spoonies. Am prood ae thae lads and it's a game ae three huffs and a wee bit mair an that an aw. Bollies dinnae dee it for us."
Which nobody present understood a word of.
Meanwhile, back in Liverpool, the Sun newspaper reported sales as 'sluggish.'
Mair as we gerrit.