Written by Ossurworld
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Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Start singing, Knicks fans.

Dean Martin would be crooning at one of his roasts over this one: Amar'e Stoudemire will forever be known as Amar'e Stupidmire.

That's stupid, Amar'e!

He can palm a basketball and apparently felt he could palm a glass case of a fire extinguisher. He managed to extinguish his team's season.

There was enough flying blood to extinguish a season going down in flames.

As he walked to the locker room at game's end, Amar'e read the magical words beside the glass case with a fire extinguisher inside: "In case of emergency, break glass."

When a tall man meets glass, here's what they say:

When your fist hits the wall with blood flying like tomato sauce on a big pizza pie, that's Amar'e.

When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine,
that's Amar'e.

Balls'll ring Ting-a-ling-a-ling Ting-a-ling-a-ling and you'll sing "Vita hella, lucky fella."

Knicks'll play, Tippi-tippi-tay, Tippi-tippi-tay like a gay tarantella.

When the stars make you drool like pasta fazool, that's Amar'e.

When you dance down the court with a ball at your feet, your arm's in a sling.

When you walk in a dream, but you know you're not dreamin', signore,
'Scusami, but you see shattered glass, that's Amar'e.

When glass hits your hairy palm like a big-a pizza pie, that's Amar'e.

If basketball proves anything during this playoff season, it's that the bigger the man, the smaller the little gray cells.

In any respect we offer apologies to Dean Martin.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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