Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 1 May 2012

image for The Lingerie Football League To Hang Up Their Short Shorts Until 2013
The public relations director of the LFL Corsicana Hazelpax. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

CHICAGO - Word out of the "Windy City" is that The Lingerie Football League has suspended the 2012 season but plans on returning at full speed in April of 2013.

LFL spokesperson Duval Dippingwater, 43, stated that the team owners felt that they want to see about making a few changes to try and increase the amount of female fans.

Dippingwater pointed out that about 87 percent of the fans who attend LFL fans are males in the 18 to 48-year-old category.

He disclosed that although there is some interest from some of the wives and girlfriends of the male fans, the LFL would like to get more women to come out to the games.

LFL Commissioner Windsor F. Olivemuckle has informed his public relations director Corsicana Hazelpax to do whatever it takes to get the number of female fans to increase.

Ms. Hazelpax grinned as she mentioned that one proposal that she is considering to help generate female interest is to have male cheerleaders on the sidelines who look like Chippendale's male dancers.

Another possible proposal that she is planning to implement is to have special rooms at the team stadiums set up where women can go in prior to the kickoff and get facials, manicures, pedicures, and all over body massages.

Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly reported that the Los Angeles Temptation tried this concept out for the last game of the season and their female attendance rose by 340 percent.

While the LFL is in hiatus many of the gorgeously sexy players will be going on promotional tours throughout every state in the United States as well as the countries of Sweden, Dutch West Wakaboonka, Venezuela, Japan, British Boomboobanda, and Greenland.

LFL Spokesperson Duval Dippingwater stated that the girls will be dressed in the skimpiest clothes allowed in each country. He was quick to add that each of the girls will be accompanied by two extremely burly bodyguards.

FOOTNOTE: The Los Angeles Temptation have won the last three LFL championship games. According to Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly the team is owned by Jay Leno, Simon Cowell, and Ellen DeGeneres.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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