Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 30 April 2012

image for Rooney Gives Another Granny One (Autograph - Calm Down)
We'll Never Hear The Last Of It

Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney today freely admitted that he'd given yet another Granny one - an autograph that is. And this isn't the first time it's happened.

Usually when people see the words 'Rooney' and 'Granny' together in a headline, they automatically conclude that there's something unspeakably sordid going on.

But not here. We're talking about an autograph, which is exactly what it says in the headline.

It happened at Old Trafford, when Rooney was approached by Gran, Mildred Pierce (No relation to Psycho Stuart - him of the bloodied nut, like Terry Butcher but not quite as bad) and Rooney signed her copy of United fanzine 'Red Issue.'

To the best knowledge of observers, Rooney has signed many autographs for United loving Grans, although he apparently expressed no interest in shagging them.

"And I'm not fat either," Wayne declared.

Rooney's wife, Claire Sweeney out of Brookside amazingly stated that she wasn't even aware that she was married to him, let alone the mother of his child.

"It's all news to me," she admitted.

United fans will be hoping for another wonder goal from Wazza this evening against the Moss Side council tenants, but most are too busy shitting themselves to be objective about anything.

Whilst City fans will be lubricating their tonsils in preparation for another bout of crowing "like cocks" following another ten nil humiliation, and doing the fucking Poznan again, United fans will be hiding.

Probably behind the sofa. Or in the toilet.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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