In a stunning last minute development, it's just been announced that the keenly anticipated Manchester Derby has just been cancelled, leaving Sir Alex Ferguson "gutted and as sick as a parrot."
The hottest ticket in town just a few hours ago is now utterly worthless.
City striker, Carlos Tevez has been blamed for the cancellation, after he pointed out to officials that Manchester doesn't actually have a racecourse.
The Derby - originally scheduled over ten furlongs and involving twenty one horses - was quickly cancelled when officials realised that the only place you can feasibly race horses in Manchester is in Piccadilly Gardens in town. But Health and Safety officials quickly nixed that idea over concerns that the horses hooves could get stuck in the tram tracks.
A last ditch attempt to stage the race at Chester racecourse proved unfruitful, and a suggestion to use Aintree was dismissed as a Scouse piss-take.
More as we get it.