Written by IainB
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Sunday, 29 April 2012

image for Salford woman wins the Manchester Marathon
Brian Olanga was said to be very surprised to be over taken by a middle aged woman in a dressing gown

The Manchester Marathon was won today by a forty-two year old woman from Salford called Annette Fisher.

"I hadn't even realised I'd entered the marathon," said Ms Fisher. "I'd hung my bed sheets out on the line because it was quite windy and I thought that they would dry quickly."

According to Ms Fisher, the sheets did indeed dry quickly, unfortunately, they also were ripped from the washing line by a sudden gust of wind.

"I looked out of the window as the last of the pegs came off," she recalled. "I was in my training shoes and out of the back door before you could say 'advanced cleaning even at thirty degrees'."

However, she wasn't quick enough and her best fitted sheet billowed like a balloon cleared the leylandii hedge and was off over the Manchester ship canal.

"I couldn't afford another fitted sheet," Ms Fisher said. "They're nearly ten pounds at Wilkos. I knew I had to catch it."

She ran off after the sheet, accidentally joining in the Manchester Marathon that was coincidentally taking place the same day, not quarter of a mile from her door.

"I'd forgotten it was on," she admitted. "I ran past all these people in ridiculous outfits. I mean, it was only seven degrees, and they were in shorts."

Just over two hours later, Ms Fisher caught up with her sheet, wrapped around the finish line.

"I thought this black bloke in a green vest was after my sheet," Ms Fisher said. "I thought 'I'm buggered if I'm running all this way only to have some scrote from the estate nicking it'."

An extra burst of speed and Ms Fisher overtook Brian Olanga from Kenya and snatched the sheet off the line.

"I was very surprised to be given a nice shiny silver bed sheet as well," she said. "It'll come in handy for Halloween. They also gave me a medal and a thousand pound prize money. That's going to come in very handy, because the bed sheet was ruined."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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