Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 26 April 2012

image for The NBA Suspends L.A. Laker Metta World Peace (The Player Formerly Known As Ron Artest) For 7 Games
Metta World Peace has been suspended for 7 games and will forfeit about $50,000 per game.

NEW YORK CITY - NBA Commissioner David Stern handed out a stern suspension to the elbow-throwing Los Angeles Laker Metta World Peace.

Commissioner Stern addressed the sports media that had assembled in the sports department at Macy's Department Store where the press conference took place.

He informed them in no uncertain terms that he will not tolerate vicious acts of barbaric elbowism like the one demonstrated by the former Ron Artest alias "The Pest" against James Harden of the Oklahoma City Thunder.

Stern was asked why he did not suspend "Mr. Elbow" for a period much longer than 7 days as his uncivilized actions on the court warranted.

The NBA commissioner replied that he will be keeping a very close eye on the Lakers "Bad Boy" and if he dares to attempt another of his cheap shot antics he could find himself banned from playing in the National Basketball League and playing for a team down in the jungles of Nicaragua.

Rufus Reno with Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly pointed out that it was a good thing that ArPest (sic) did not have a handgun hidden in his jock strap or else who knows what the out-of-control hot-tempered round baller would have done.

There is talk around some of the NBA cities that some of the city councils may issue directives prohibiting Metta World Peace from entering their city limits.

Three of these cities include Boston, Oklahoma City, and Milwaukee. Lakers player Kobe Bryant said that it is unconstitutional and that the cities cannot prevent a professional player from entering their city limits.

The Boston Celtics have reportedly already retained the services of noted West Coast attorney Ginger Allred.

Ms. Allred replied to Bryant's remark by stating that Mr. Bryant may be good at making his free throws and at shooting 20-foot fade away jumpers but he does not know diddly squat about city rules, regulations, and codes as they pertain to professional sports.

She went on to say that there is a statute in force that clearly focuses on the matter of the Athletic Habeas Corpus Factor (AHCF) which specifically addresses the issue of keeping a player out of a certain city for reasons of health, safety, economics, psychiatric reasons, or bouts of belligerency.

The recipient of Metta World Peace's wayward elbow, James Harden is still suffering the after affects of the concussion.

A close friend of Harden's who would not give his name but did provide his initials (F.F.) and the last four digits of his social security number - 9901, stated that Mr. Harden is seriously considering hiring Ginger Allred's prominent attorney cousin Gloria "I Gotcha" Allred.

F.F. disclosed that James Harden wants Ms. Gloria Allred to represent him in a possible $10.3 million elbowism lawsuit against Mr. Metta World Peace, The Los Angeles Lakers organization, and Knotts Berry Farm.

Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly will stay on top of the story and bring you any further developments as they develop.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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