Written by Simon Saunders
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Monday, 23 April 2012

image for Tevez Wins PFA 'Idiot Of The Year' Award
Tevez would prefer to play in a real 'Theatre of Dreams'

Manchester City striker, Carlos Tevez, has claimed the highly coverted 'Idiot of the year' award at this years glittering PFA awards ceremony.

Tevez, who was the clear favourite with bookmakers, had tears in his eyes as he collected the award. Speaking through his interpreter, because he still hasn't bothered to learn English, he said, "I am delighted to win this award. There was strong competition this year, mainly from my team-mate 'Mad' Mario Balotelli. For my peers to decide I should get this award is very humbling. Whatever humbling means."

Tevez also explained the real reason behind his going AWOL for five months of the season. Tevez explained that he had been offered an audition to play the role of Quasimodo in a stage production of 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' in Buenos Aires. According to Tevez, he had always wanted to be an actor and playing Quasimodo had been a childhood dream.

Tevez said, "Acting was always my first love but unfortunately I didn't get the part. Nevermind the 'Theatre of Dreams' that is Old Trafford, I want to play a real theatre."

He claims that his failure to get his dream role led to him sliding into a deep depression and he couldn't face coming back to the UK to continue his football career.

He also claims that his touchline tantrum during a Champions League game against Bayern Munich was all a clever ruse to allow him to swan off back to Argentina and attempt to fullfil his acting dream. " I knew that the boss would be furious with me but I also know that he is spineless." Said Tevez. "His threat never to pick me again was worthless. Just look at what's happened with Balotelli. Mancini has no balls. As a Manchester City player you can do whatever you like and get away with it."

Tevez's comments are likely to infuriate Roberto Mancini, but we doubt he will do anything about it.

Meanwhile, Gareth Bale has won the PFA 'Player who looks most like a chimp' award.......again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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