Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 21 April 2012

image for World's Best Footballer - Messi Or Ronaldo? - Local Man Gives Definitive Verdict
Mes Que Un Club - More Than A Club

It's been acknowledged as the most difficult question in modern football - the sheer genius of the diminutive Argentinian, or the instinctive athletic artistry of the Portuguese? Who is the world's best footballer?

The two went head to head last night at the Nou Camp in El Gran Clasico, Barcelona v Real Madrid before 100,000 passionate fans. On this occasion, Ronaldo proved to be the shining star, scoring the winner as Real Madrid beat Barcelona 2-1, effectively winning La Liga.

Messi's Barcelona fans will say that their man is the better of the two, given that he can single handedly turn a game, that he's almost impossible to bully off the ball, that he can improvise in a millisecond, and that he scores goal after amazing goal, consistently. Usually adding that he can also eat really hot chillies one after another, all night, every night. And that he looks really good in stockings and suspenders.

Ronaldo's Real Madrid supporters claim that he's athletic, he can play anywhere on the park, he's good with both feet and in the air, that he's lethal in dead ball situations, and that he scores amazing goals.

Consistently.

They also point out that Ronaldo is quite an excellent tenor, after the model of Placido Domingo, who often entertains his team matesi with operatic arias pre-kick off, and that he's a superstud in the bedroom.

So who really is top dog? Who is Numero Uno?

Ditherers tend to come out with comments like both are good, but in slightly different ways. Which solves precisely nothing.

For want of anybody better to ask, Skoob Sports News asked local man, Martin Shuttlecock for his definitive opinion.

"Hmmm," Shuttlecock mused. "Messi or Ronaldo, eh? Easy. Both of 'em. No problem. They're both brilliant. And if I had my way we'd have Alexis Sanchez, Kaka, Iniesta and Ozil as well. Mind you, there's only the noisy neighbours could possibly afford both of them, and probably the others I mentioned too. Please stop hitting me whilst I'm attempting to respond to your question..."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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