Written by Wire Piddle
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Sunday, 15 April 2012

image for Bernie Ecclestone To Buy Bahrain

UPI - President and CEO of Formula One Management, Bernie Ecclestone, has offered a down payment on the country of Bahrain, just weeks ahead of the Formula One race scheduled to be held there. Domestic tensions regarding human rights in the country have boiled over into rioting in some neighborhoods, causing those in the grand prix racing business to question the viability of holding a race in that far off middle eastern, sand strewn, camel infested land.

"Look. I've had enough of this lot," Mr. Ecclestone was heard saying over his cellphone by one member of the press who learned his scruples under Rupert Murdoch. "Let's just buy the country and throw out the troublemakers," Ecclestone concluded. Mr. Ecclestone was then heard ringing the landline of the leader of Bahrain, not Hamad bin Isa bin Salman Al Khalifa, King of Bahrain, who was thought to be the leader, but the line of Benjamin Stanton, the real leader who runs a vegetarian takeaway out of the back of a lorry in the general area of the Borough of Lambeth, south London.

"You'll make a down payment of 50 quid? That's unreasonable." replied Mr. Stanton who subsequently suggested that a higher figure might be in order. "Well, on the one hand, Mr. Ecclestone can't be seen by the general public as a less than shrewd bargainer and, on the other hand, the King of Bahrain can't be seen as a shill for western interests. So I'll just have to go back to selling warm root beer and lice infested sandwiches to fat, bloated working class folk.

"Is that all?" replied the reporter who, after getting a nod of resignation from Mr. Stanton, purveyor of unsanitary comestibles and lease holder to a thriving middle eastern country, "Right. I'll have the falafel on day old pita please, go light on the lice."

EDITOR'S NOTE: Surpisingly, not a word was mentioned by anyone about either of Mr. Ecclestone's daughter's formidable breasts, which was a pity considering the cost of cell service in these days of fiscal austerity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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