Written by Jebier
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Tuesday, 10 April 2012

There was a shock at Old Trafford on Sunday as Manchester United were denied a penalty after Ashley Young's blatant dive. After the match, Sir Alex "Cheating Wanker" Ferguson was incensed, saying "I haven't seen the replay but that was a certain penalty. The QPR player should have been sent off straight away, but no... we never get decisions here at Old Trafford. The referees must be conspiring against us."

The result, a 2-0 defeat, means they are just two points ahead of rivals Manchester City, who beat Arsenal 1-0 after Mikel Arteta's shot magically changed direction and flew the length of the pitch back into his own goal. And United's title challenge is in serious jeopardy as the FA are considering deducting them 1500 points and relegating them to the Conference North, negating their entire Premier League record from its inception and consigning them to the obscurity they deserve, pending a hearing on Friday.

Although the hearing may be delayed until immediately after United go 1500 points clear at the top as a result of a mysterious phenomenon known as "Fergie Time".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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