Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 10 April 2012

image for Miami Marlins Manager Ozzie Guillen Sticks His Baseball Cleats In His Mouth Once Again!
A baseball autographed by Ozzie Guillen has fallen in value from $19 to 5¢.

MIAMI - The manager of Major League Baseball's Miami Marlins, Ozzie Guillen has done gone and to quote Britney Spears "Oops...I Did It Again!"

This time the native of Venezuela told some reporters that he really feels that former Cuban dictator Fidel Castro is a smart leader who has managed to hang around for a long, long time and that he is more popular in Florida than Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Gary Busey.

Well, needless to say Guillen, 48, has gone and stuck his baseball cleats in his mouth and his comment has not sat well with the hundreds of thousands of Cuban-Americans residing in the Miami area.

According to Tango Brisket with Sports Territory Magazine many Marlin fans are asking the team owner to fire "El Ozzie." Many say that they want him suspended for the rest of the season. And some say that they want him deported back to Venezuela.

Guillen, meanwhile offered up the standard non-apology apology that has become so popular with the crayfishing bunch.

He addressed an assembled group of sports reporters at a Pompous Pizza Parlor parking lot and stated that if someone was offended by what he said and if they took it wrong then he is sorry that they misunderstood him and made a mole hill out of a mountain.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I'm sure Guillen meant to say 'made a mountain out of a mole hill'].

Guillen is not the first professional baseball manager to make such a stupid remark. Back in 2002, the manager of the minor league Bakersfield Bakers, Swanson "Spit Ball" Flippinfaust was suspended for 29 games for saying that the Three Stooges were smarter and better looking than President George W. Bush.

Two years later in 2004, another minor league manager Cisco Cullenfiggy of the Duluth Doodlebugs was suspended for 37 games for sitting in the dugout during a game in nothing but a pair of Minnesota Viking boxer shorts.

Cullenfiggy told the head umpire that he was running late and left his house forgetting that he had not put on his baseball uniform.

The boxer shorts wearing manager was also fined $417, and forced to enter into a rehab clinic for a four-week stay.

Meanwhile a close friend of Ozzie Guillen identified as Porky de los Burritos has stated that the Marlins manager is sorry and that he is now saying that he hates Fidel Castro and that the man is very ugly kind of like Charles Manson and Sandra Bernhard.

In a related story. The commissioner of baseball Bud Selig has stated that there is no truth to the rumor that all Major League Baseball games scheduled for April, Friday the 13th have been cancelled due to superstitious reasons.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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