Confirmation came through from the Emirates today, that Manchester City are officially the new Premier League Champions, following their dramatic 0-1 capitulation to the Arsenal.
City were crowned champions by Sheikh Mansour himself, who has financed the purchase of a replica Premiership trophy, which will be presented to the team at the Manchester derby against United later this month.
City striker, Mario Balotelli, who was red carded at the Emirates for attempting to cripple the opposition on multiple occasions, is expected to be named as temporary vice captain, along with Carlos 'Welcome To Manchester' Tevez.
City have announced that they will parade the trophy through every street in the city to their adoring legions of fans, just before they sack manager, Ray 'Boom Boom' Mancini, the former boxing champion, along with Mario 'Oops!' Balotelli, Brian 'I Was Never A Rag' Kidd, David 'I Scored Against Belgium In The World Cup' Platt, and Patrick 'I Gave The Ball To Giggsy' Vieira.
Greater Manchester Police have not objected to the victory parade, as it is widely believed that all Manchester United fans live in London anyway, so there is little likelihood of any trouble.
The parade will terminate in Heaton Park, where the rock band, Oasis will be reforming for a tribute concert, just to show everybody how brilliant they and City really are.
Everybody else will take the piss.
More as we get it.