Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Saturday, 7 April 2012

image for Portsmouth And Southampton - Honours Even (But We Won Really, Says Pompey Superfan)
Southampton's fan

Police looked on helplessy as football broke out between two south coast rivals at Southampton on Saturday.

Southampton and Portsmouth fans stopped hurling insults and punches at eachother to watch two teams try to play a game of association football at the St Mary's stadium.

And once again the match ended honours even. Earlier in the season the sides battled out a one-all draw at Portsmouth's Fratton Park, and with Southampton chasing promotion while Pompey struggle to stay in the Championship they drew this latest encounter 2-2.

"Well, it certainly looks like a draw, it doos, but it's really a victory for Ve Ledz, ennit," said Pompey superfan, Jake Seaport, 39, of Waterlooville.

"Stands to reason - them Scummers come dayn are place an' only managed to score one. Nar we've bin dayn their gaffe and we scores two so we must be the winners, roight? And theyre supposed to be better, top of the league an' all.

"Premier league, yer 'avin' a laff!"

When we pointed out that the draw returned Scumton to the top of the table, Mr Seaport ran away with his fingers in his ears.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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