Written by A Lias
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Thursday, 30 March 2006

image for London 2012 Olympics Get New Medals
The best competitors will still recieve a gold medal.

When the Olympic Games arrive in London in 2012, there will be some changes to the medal system - a tradition carried on since the age of the original Greek Olympics.

But is this such a surprise? After all, it seems as if kids are being educated that there are "no losers in life". Sports days no longer depend on ability, because everyone has at least tried. And it seems as if these children will all get medals at the Olympic Games in 2012.

The new set of medals will run like this (in order of best to...least best):

  1. Gold
  2. Silver
  3. Bronze
  4. Zinc
  5. Nickel
  6. Iron
  7. Copper
  8. Tin
  9. Aluminium
  10. Lead

The list of metals was devised by the Olympic Committee, who are under pressure to develop a new 10-layered platform for medal winners to stand on. It has been said that the tallest part will be a metre in height, and the smallest will be a mere centimetre from the ground.

For events with more than ten competitors, another medal has been devised. Anyone not getting into the top ten will recieve a medal made of cardboard, with the words "It's not the winning that counts, it's the taking part" written on in biro.

The move has been greeted differently by people. Some say it's a marvellous idea, but some are quick to criticise. One such person is a Mrs Olivia Limpic. She says "But this is utter madness. Even if we reward anyone, in a heat, do all of them go through or still the top three? It has to be the latter, and then what's the point in the other medals?"

However, those who support the movement argue that "at least this way, the UK might win some medals". It is said that Tony Blair backs the idea for this very reason.

The 2012 Olympics may also see changes in other areas. Sports once considered too obscure to be part of the Games are being considered. Pie eating contests may soon be in the Olympics and extreme ironing is due for its Olympic debut in 2012. Bog diving is, however, not being considered - due to the fact that bogs cost a lot to build precisely.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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