Written by j.w.
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Monday, 2 April 2012

The test West Ham faced at the weekend ended in abject failure. There clearly needs to be more time in the classroom for Hammers players if they are to get into the Premier league next season.

The Manager, Sam Allardyce was a prime culprit. Taking a lead from Harry Redknapp's declaration that he had never learnt to read, Uncle Sam showed his own deficiencies in this area.

He was sent a note from the Director's box on Saturday advising him to put on a striker as the Hammers were 3-1 down with twenty minutes to go. Sam thought he was being told to take off a striker and withdrew West Ham goalscorer, Carlton Cole, from the pitch to the bewilderment of the fans.

When the players trooped off at the end of the match, Robert Green mentioned that the team were headed for the Play-0ff's but he had read the script wrongly. The message sent to him mentioned that West Ham players were headed for the pay offs, not the play offs.

With attack being read as defence and scoring goals being considered to be for the opponents to score goals, the club is headed for a reading crisis.

If the best funded team in the Championship, with substantial support on the bench, cannot read the Irons are headed for the scrap yard.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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