Written by Aakash
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Thursday, 29 March 2012

Robson de Souza, A.K.A. Robinho, the second striker for the club AC Milan tried to kill himself on March 28th, following his disgraceful performance in the match against Barcelona.

On March 28th, the match between AC Milan and Barcelona ended in a score tied at 0-0. The match was a part of the UEFA Champions League. Throughout the 90+ minutes of the game, one player stood out as the worst among a group of players that performed worse than girl scouts. The whole stadium echoed the angry voices of the fans.

Robinho played like a total amateur. His passes landed in the legs of the rival team's players, and his shots looked like they were aimed at the fans. After the final whistle, the team coach Massimiliano Allegri gathered his players around and spanked them hard for their bad performance.

Robinho was the first to run back crying to the team locker. On finding himself alone there, he pulled out a fully loaded 6-round revolver and put it to his head. The fans were still mouthing bad-words when all of a sudden, a gunshot echoed in the stadium. The sound was not much strong against the enraged fans' shouts. But whoever heard it, was horrified.

Two more shots were heard, this time more distinct as much of the crowd had stopped shouting after the first one. The sound was traced back to the AC Milan locker room. Refrees, players and other officials ran in to see a sobbing Robinho alone in there, but with no injuries what-so-ever.

After calming him down, when asked what happened, he confessed he tried to commit suicide, but missed all three shots. A huge wave of laughter started inside the locker room. Massimo Ambrosini, the current captain of AC Milan, was seen sticking his hand to his forehead, with only his thumb and index finger sticking out at right angles from each other, grinning like a monkey.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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