Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 20 March 2012

image for S-Club 7 UB40
S-Club we're destroyed by classical football

It was a whitewash at Wembley when the kids from S-Club were utterly destroyed by UB 40-7.

"It was watching men against boys, quite literally," said soccer pundit, Alan Hansen. "S-Club's defence were all over the place, hardly acting like a unit at all."

The result lends greater credence to the idea that traditional groups still have the edge over their manufactured rivals.

"Money can't buy you success," said Hansen. "Hair, it can buy, but not success."

Prior to kick off, many were predicting that the youth and vitality of S-Club would give them the upper hand against their ancient opponents. Hansen had previously been shown that his most famous phrase "You don't win anything with kids" was completely incorrect when Sir Alex Ferguson led his kids to victory, but this time, his lesser known phrase "They're too old to win anything" has also proved bogus.

"It wasn't just that the first yard was in their heads," said Hansen after the final whistle, "the whole ten yards was in their heads. I've never seen counter attacking like it."

S-Club were slightly hampered in the match by being at a numerical disadvantage, but even had the numbers been equal, there was no doubt as to the result.

"UB have shown their superiority and staying power here," said Hansen. "Who'd bet against them now?"

It had been a game of two halves, with UB grabbing all forty in the first half, with S-Club netting seven times after the restart when UB didn't turn up.

"Now I've seen that experience counts more than youth," said Hansen, "for this afternoon's match when the Jacksons take on Shed, I'm going to go for a Jacksons' win, and say Jackson's 7 Shed 5."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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