Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 18 March 2012

image for 9 Chelsea Fans Collapse As Torres Nets Two Against Leicester In FA Cup Quarter Final
This A&E Doctor Admitted That He Only Just Managed To Cope

There was pandemonium today at Stamford Bridge, with nine spectators collapsing in dead faints as Fernando Torres scored a brace in eighteen minutes against Leicester City in this FA Cup Quarter Final tie, in a 5-2 victory for the Blues.

Paramedics were rushed off their feet as they attempted to treat the unconscious victims, and struggled to cope with hundreds of cases of Chelsea fans becoming light headed, a bit dizzy, and needing a nice sit down with a cup of tea and a biscuit.

There was an unprecedented air of bewilderment all around The Bridge as the hitherto goal-shy Spaniard scored his second half brace. Chelsea's other scorers were Cahill, Kalou, and Miereles, with Beckford and Marshall on target for the visitors.

But there appears to be little doubt that it will be Torres, whose uncharacteristic performance in front of goal proved so remarkable, hitting the back page headlines in tomorrow's papers.

"I can't speak," one shellshocked Chelsea fan muttered. "I'm not used to this. I think I need a nice lie down in a dark room somewhere."

The Royal Brompton Hospital reported a brisk turnover of Chelsea fans complaining of feeling dizzy and faint, and said that resources had been 'stretched to breaking point' but added that the emergency services had managed to cope.

The nine "sleepers" were said to be stable, and responding well to treatment.

"Blimey," one A&E doctor told reporters. "I shudder to think what'll happen if he scores a hat trick on Wednesday night against Man City."

More as we get it.

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