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Tuesday, 6 March 2012

image for Roman Abramovich decides on new Chelsea manager
The Russian Revolution re-emerges at Stamford Bridge

Roman Abramovich shocked the world of football today by announcing that he would do the job of Chelsea manager himself.

After sacking young pup Andre Villas-Boas on sunday after a 1-0 defeat at West Bromwich Albion, the media immediately threw the names of Rafa Benitez, Pep Guardiola and Jose Mourinho into the furry russian hat of Abramovich .

Rouble rich Roman however had other ideas. Due to the high wages and compensation paid out in the last five years to (count 'em) Jose Mourinho, Avram Grant, Felipo Scolari, Carlos Ancellotti and now Villas-Boas he has decided that the best thing to do is manage the team himself.

Another factor is the new Financial Fair Play rule coming into focus for the Champions League in two seasons, Abramovich and Chelsea simply can't afford another high profile expensive name manager who promises gold and delivers brass farthings.

Communication could be a problem, unless he plans to only sign washed up Russian players like Andrei Arshavin.

The rough and ready Russian will be able to call on close friend Ron Noades as a consultant. Noades, the former Crystal Palace and Brentford chairman, decided to dispense with a manager at Brentford and pick the team himself.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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