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Tuesday, 6 March 2012

image for Ex-Redskin Player Says He Was Offered $25,000 To Disable Peyton Manning, Tony Romo!
football

A former football middle linebacker told the press today that he and other players on the team were offered cash bonuses to knock key players on the other teams out of the game and out for the season if possible.

Although he would only talk to two reporters on the condition that his name would not appear, the former linebacker said he had collected $25,000 on one quarterback whom he had knocked senseless and missed three games in 2006. He also was paid smaller amounts at other times.

According to 'John Smith', there was a $25,000 bonus to take out Peyton Manning but the real guy the Redskins wanted out was Tony Romo, since the Dallas Cowboys were in the same conference.

"I got $2,000 once for stomping Romo's foot and wasn't penalized because I made it look like I was just getting up from a pile-up after a fumble", stated Smith.

"I even got $1,000 for a big garlic belch in his face one game."

Smith also related that their defensive backs received extra money for everything that they stated about the receiver's mother.

"Good money was also on taking out a field goal kicker or a really good punter. If no one was looking, we'd accidentally cream one while everyone else was watching a runback of the kick. However, the close-up cameras all over the field ruined that one."

Smith later told about all the eye-gouging and balls-knocking that went on during a big pile-up after a fumble.

"The announcers would be talking about who wound up with the football but there were other balls some of the guys were after."

Smith stated there was also good money on taking out a coach when running out of bounds.

"We had one lineman who could fart like a horse and he ruined the timing of a lot of teams thinking it was a signal or number or a 'Huttt'. Also, sometimes the defensive guy opposite would get to coughing and spitting so bad we'd change the play and run the fullback at him."

Meanwhile, the NFL continues with it's investigation, starting with the New Orleans Saints.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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