Written by P.M. Wortham
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Friday, 2 March 2012

image for Vegas Odds Makers Drop Lines on Bieber, J-Lo, Putin and the Detroit Lions

Famous for setting odds on anything from the number of fights in a hockey game to whether or not Janet Jackson might bear a breast on national television, Las Vegas statisticians and odds makers are refusing to set lines on Justin Bieber, J-Lo and Vladimir Putin.

"We just don't set odds for a sure thing", says Bally's chief odds maker, Colin Daboiz. "I think for most sporting, television or political events, there's always a chance the win-lose proposition could go either way". Well, yeah.

Referring to most any political election or governed sports venue, there is always the element of chance, Daboiz claims. "But not in the case of these sure things. We just won't set up odds against the outcome", says Daboiz.

"Bieber going wild with cougars now that he's 18? J-Lo having another garment accident? Putin just thinking about running again for president in 2018? Those event outcomes are a guaranteed lock", claims Daboiz. "It's funny really that there is any doubt".

Daboiz wasn't pleased about dropping the odds making opportunity or this reporter even asking any questions about it. He asked what size shoes I wore, while checking his garage for a count on available bags of ready mix cement, which was odd in itself since we were in the middle of the desert. Daboiz explained that he was originally from Jersey's waterfront.

When asked a follow up empathy question about the lost money making opportunity, Dabois responded positively, "You're right. We don't make any money unless we can set probability on a win, one way or another, that's why this whole Bieber, J-Lo thing is a bust for us, no pun intended".

When offered another idea for a bet related to the Detroit Lions ever winning a Superbowl, Daboiz was visibly angered again. "Everyone knows they will never win, we can't make that bet, or any money on it". With that Dabois pointed his finger at this reporter's nose and said, "You sit right there and don't even think about moving, I need to make a call".

The interview ended quickly with a fast exit from the Daboiz residence in a rented 2012 Dodge Challenger. Thankfully, some things from Detroit still kick ass.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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