Written by Ossurworld
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Friday, 2 March 2012

Out of town reporters are scooping the Boston press yet again.

Locals have been checking Craig's List for the best bargain, but the Celtics are moving product over at e-Bay.

Danny Ainge insists that he has made "zero" calls to anyone in an attempt to trade Rondo. That means he has sent emails, texts, snail mail, and done a bit of salesman-style doorbell ringing to GMs on other teams.

It appears anyone from as far away as New York knows the scoop on Rajon Rondo. Now as the trade deadline cramps the style of radio talkers, they have discovered some of the deficiencies of Rajon Rondo. It has crimped his value on the open market.

In the NBA stock market, the press has Rondo going down with Standard & Poor.

Yes, we all saw him throw a ball into the midsection of a particularly annoying referee during a game, but Rondo had a slight case of dyspepsia that night.

We also hear that he threw a water bottle through a flat screen TV in the locker room when teammates and Doc Rivers pointed out some inconsistencies in his game. Who can blame Rondo? Someone had misplaced the remote control.

He sat in his car during pregame and listed to Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet to its conclusion, rather than rush into the locker room to be undone. In his honor, Cleveland played the classic piece to start the game this week. It certainly beats hearing Queen once more in a rendition of "We Are the Champions."

Rondo skipped out on the United States Olympic basketball team to attend Kendrick Perkins' wedding, despite contrary reports that he joined the Olympic team to avoid Perk's wedding.

Doc Rivers, a highly moral man, was forced to make endless puns on pornographic topics to amuse Rondo during one game to light his fire (no pun intended, Rajon). As a consequence, Rondo scored big time.

To a man, the Big Three call Rondo the most intelligent player on the team, if not in the game of basketball. Heaven help them if they don't say it.

Rondo leads the league in triple-doubles this season, but the big money is on free throws.

Yet, through all the reports and rumors, Ainge also insisted that Rondo is the player of the future, though he was vague as to whether the Celtics are using a Mayan calendar.

Fans in the know have taken to looking on e-Bay to see if Rondo has been put up for bid and hung out to dry. We suspect that Ainge is partial to "Buy It Now" and the ten-day auction period.

Paypal is preferred, but don't read anything into the fact that Rondo comes with free shipping.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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