Written by Simon Saunders
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Friday, 2 March 2012

image for Legendary Dead Footballer To Play Again?
Football being played in an small empty coffin.

Former Manchester United and Northern Ireland star, George Worst, stunned the football world yesterday after announcing he plans to come back from the dead and return to professional football.

Mr Worst, dead, from the Heaven area, spoke to us from beyond the grave to claim he could still entertain the millions of fans who watch the Premier League.

Worst told us, "My bones may be old and creaky these days but I've got more talent in whats left of my liver than the likes of Scholesy and Giggsy." (Referring to current Manchester United veterans Paul Scholesy and Ryan Giggsy.)

Continuing, Worst laughed, "And I could teach Giggsy a thing or two about shagging! Seriously though. The standard of football up here in Heaven is pretty poor even with all the great players we've got. For instance, my old mate Sir Bobby Lesse (a former team-mate at Fulham and ex England captain) has lost virtually all of his pace now and seems happier just harping on about his past glories rather than playing the game. I want to do more than just talk a good game. I want to get back out on the pitch and do it again. I'd love to pull on that famous red shirt again and hopefully pull a saucy bird after the game!" Joked Worst.

Current Manchester United gaffer, Sir Fergus Alexanderson, dismissed Worst's plans. Sir Fergus said, "There's no way we'll be re-signing George. It all sounds like the ramblings of a crazy drunk to me. Trust me, I should know."

Top BBC footy pundit, Alan Handsome, gave us his opinion even though we didn't ask for it. The former Liverpool star and definetely not Mark Lewranson's secret boyfriend, told us, "Terrible defending. The marking at that corner was shocking."

However, there does appear to be at least one club who are interested in signing Worst if he does return from the dead.

Blackburn Rovers boss, Steve Verykean, is rumoured to be considering signing him until the end of the season to help Rovers' avoid relegation. A source close to the Blackburn mastermind says that even though Worst is dead at the moment, he would probably do a better job than his current crop of players.

George Worst's agent, Mr G.Odd, was unavailable for comment last night as he was busy creating another universe. Although he promised to hold a press conference on Sunday when he's free.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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