Boston Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine has posted a new clubhouse Sign-up Sheet: "All Finks Must Log In."
Ace pitcher Josh Beckett has applied for the job as the Red Sox team pooper-scooper. He wants to know who has been thrown under the bus in the past and now has returned the favor. Josh Beckett wants to know even more than the National Enquirer.
Inquiring minds no longer care who's on first, but everyone in the Boston media wants to know who ratted out Beckett and his fried chicken beer-guzzling last September.
Where are TMZ and Terez Owens when you need them? They know a thing or two about who's a Rat Fink!
Now, at spring training, the Red Sox ace pitcher and Jenny Craig refugee is starting to sound like a vaudevillian taking part in the old Abbott and Costello routine "Who's on First."
Every morning this spring Josh Beckett has looked in the mirror and played a variation on the game of "Who's on first."
Who's on First has been replaced by Rat Fink's on First.
"No, Rat Fink's on second. Fink is on first."
Can we conclude that Fink talked to the Boston Herald about beer and fried chicken?
"No, not Fink. Snitch is on first. "
"Not him. Snitch talked to the media about chicken and beer."
"Wait: Snitch is on third. Rat Fink is in left, and Whistleblower is on first."
"No, no, Whistleblower is in center, and Rat Fink is in left."
"No, no, no, Whistleblower is a Yankee shortstop."
"Wait, isn't that stool pigeon catching? No, that's stoolie catching. And, it's yellow canary on the mound. "
So, now we know who spilled the beans and beer all over the fried chicken in Boston. According to Beckett, it's the yellow canary.