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Monday, 27 February 2012

image for Man with three arms signed by Cincinnatti Reds
Toupe batting. His middle arm is strapped beneath his shirt because it is difficult to bat with it unsecured.

CARDIFF KY (ABSNN) -- John Toupe, 22, has acheived his lifelong goal to become a professional baseball player. He reports for the team's spring training camp this week. What sets Toupe apart from other young men attempting to make the cut in professional baseball are his arms, all three of them.

For the first six years of Toupe's life he hid the third arm beneath bulky sweaters and oversized sweat shirts. The arm is attached by two collarbones to the middle of his chest, just below his neck.

"Kids finally got used to my third arm and I was fairly well accepted. The only thing I missed out on much was slow dancing with girls. My middle arm had a mind of its own and where it touched a girl while slow dancing was a subject of concern for both the girls and the staff at school," he said. "Oh, I couldn't play two-hand touch football either," added Toupe.

Cincinnatti will use Toupe as a "Triple Threat" pitcher. He will throw left handed, middle handed, and right handed. His speed with the middle arm has been clocked by radar at 105 mph! He throws in the high 90's with his left, and over 100 mph with his right.

Coaches say that he will switch from hand to hand with each batter, something unseen in baseball for over 100 years. "The Commissioner of Baseball says there is no reason he cannot so pitch as there is nothin in the rules against it," said a spokesman for Maajor League Baseball.

Toupe, the man with three arms is married to the former Minnie Ball, the voman with three breastessess. They are a very content couple.

Toupe's sign on bonus was in the high six-figures.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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