Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Monday, 27 February 2012

image for Caroline Wozniacki's British Pigeon Plucked By Kandi's Dandy At World Golf Championship
Hole In One

BILLINGSGATE POST GOLF SPECIAL - Not since the Revolutionary War has there been such a reversal of fortune beween Great Britain and America. This afternoon at Dove Mountain where the Accenture Match Play Championship is played, Kandi's Dandy (Hunter Mahan) plucked Caroline Wozniacki's British pigeon (Rory Mcllroy) 2-1, and Mark Wilson defeated Lee Eastwood 1-up in the final and consolation matches, respectively. This tournament pairs 64 of the World's best golf professionals in head-to-head competition.

Both Mcllroy and Eastwood were contesting to be ranked number one in golf's Pantheon. All either of them had to do to wrestle the ranking from Luke Donald is win this tournament. But fate had other ideas. Young Rory defeated Eastwood in their morning semi-final match in order to play Hunter Mahan in the championship. Lightly considered Mark Wilson had to play Lee Westwood in the consolation match.

As in most stories, the devil is in the details. Who would have believed that both Hunter Mahan and Rory Mcllroy possessed some of the finest female horse-flesh in the world? Everyone knows that Rory is currently hot and heavy with Caroline Wozniacki, the number one rated woman in tennis. This Danish sweet-roll is so beautiful that the sweat she drops on the court sells for more than Gucci Passion II. Not to be outdone, Hunter is married to former Dallas Cowboy cheerleader, Kandi Harris. If you have ever seen Kandi in a bikini, you may have missed seeing a lot more than you could handle.

So, not only were Hunter and Rory going to war to see who could put a golf ball in a hole with the fewest strokes, Caroline and Kandi were contesting to see whose hole was hotter.

We all know who won the golf match. But we may never know who is hotter unless Mahan and Mcllroy play a better-ball match at the Ryder Cup this fall.

NOTE: This is just another salacious sport's story that is a touch different from what you might read in your local fishwrap. Journalism without Billingsgate is like the moon barking at a dog without vocal cords.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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