Written by David Grant
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Friday, 24 February 2012

image for Chess Computers are not Mates in Reykjavik
Reykjavik Theme Park

A fight has broken out between the two computers who are battling in the World Chess Championship in Reykjavik, Iceland. Not since the days of Fischer and Spassky has there been so much animosity in the world of chess.

Deep Blue II has accused the Russian computer of harassing him during play with instant messages allegedly saying things like, "You stinking Yankee compooda, you are not wery good chess player, ha, ha!"

This is denied by the Russians, who accuse Deep Blue II
of playing his music extremely loud the other night to put their computer off.

This reporter asked Deep's human coach, Mark Zugswang, for a comment, and he said, "Look, Deep has been under a great deal of pressure lately, he's just come from a RAM implant."

When I asked the coach if he thought Deep was a chip off the old block (referring to the original Deep Blue), he confided, "Yes … quite literally, I mean we had to cannibalize his dad to build him."

Deep Blue II was quite forthcoming when I asked him how he relaxed, he said, "I watch a lot of TV, Star Trek, of course, UK Gadget show, and American Idol." I queried why he watched American Idol, he said, "I like to watch something totally brainless to clear my program before a big match."

His Russian counterpart, Simply Red, would only comment, "He is wery, wery bad compooda."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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