Harry Redknapp promised fans yesterday that if he becomes the next England manager he will be inspecting the balls to be used for England's matches personally to ensure they are the same round shape as was used when England won the World Cup in 1966.
"Like many faasands ov television viewers" he said, "I've sat in front of me telly watchin' England playing their European and World Cup matches in recent years pullin' me 'air out as I've been listenin' to the commentators saying 'ow the lads 'ave been tryin' to play the games with bleedin' morphin' balls. Alf Ramsey didn't put up wiv it in '66 and neither would I. As soon as we've 'ad possession of these stupid foreign balls they've suddenly lost the rand shape our lads are used to playin' wiv in their league matches. It aint the England teams that've been losing it's shape durin' those important games, it's been those stupid foreign balls.
"One minute we've been kicking a ball that's too 'ard, then the next minute it's suddenly morphed so that when the lads 'ave tried to pass it to Frank it's been too soft. Frank told me that several times during the World Cup match he was playin' against the Kraats he even fand 'imself kickin' a ball that was too square! Is it any wonder we lost that bloody match. How's Frank supposed to show what he can do with a bleedin' square ball?
"These foreign managers we've 'ad in recent years just sit there like lemons in the dugouts not even complainin' abaat it. No, I mean let's be fair abaat it, give our lads a raand ball and we'll be runnin' rings raand these foreign sides just like we did in '66. I'll promise you this, if I become the next England manager I won't only be inspecting the balls to be used for our matches, I'll also be carryin' a pump out to the dugout wiv me daan one of me traaser legs. Well I mean for gawds sake, Frank told me that a few times during the international matches he's been playin' under Fabio he's faand 'imself kickin' a ball that's too flat!"