Liverpool have described Fernando Torres' refusal to score for Chelsea as "unacceptable".
Torres has since apologised for being unable to hit a cow's arse with a banjo, and admits he has let the club down.
Liverpool's managing director, says that Chelsea had been assured by the Spanish striker that he would bang in the goals, but now agrees that he couldn't score in a brothel.
"We are extremely disappointed that Torres has been a waste of money for Chelsea.
"He was wrong to mislead us. He has not only let himself down but also Kenny Dalglish, his team-mates and the club.
"It has been made absolutely clear to Torres that he is about as useful as a dead Shergar.
"Torres has now apologised for being a hopeless dago , which was the right thing to do. Chelsea have accepted his apology and we have accepted Chelsea's acceptance of his apology.
"However, all of us have a duty to behave in a responsible manner and we hope he now understands what is expected of anyone being sold for 50 million quid by Liverpool Football Club."