Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 11 February 2012

image for Manchester United Fanzine 'Red Issue' Accused Of Scousism
Scousists Assemble Outside Deansgate Station.

The Manchester United fanzine, Red Issue, was accused by the media of Scousism today, after it published a cut out and keep Ku Klux Klan mask bearing a 'Luis Suarez is innocent' slogan.

For anyone who has been sleeping rough in a skip throughout the recent cold snap, and may be blissfully unaware, Suarez was convicted and suspended for making racist remarks to United full back Patrice Evra in a Premier League match at Anfield a few weeks ago.

Bickering and accusations of racism were made, denied, and bandied about between the North West giants, and provided a hot discussion topic for the already fired up to fever pitch fans of both clubs.

Uncharacteristically, Red Issue printed the offending cut out and keep mask, in what Greater Manchester Police described as an attempt to to stir up Scousist hatred in the city.

Hundreds of copies of the fanzine were confiscated, and labelled as 'offensive material' by the police, who also confiscated a number of unofficial tee shirts from vendors on Sir Matt Busby Way.

Here at Skoob Sports News, we couldn't get anyone from Red Issue to speak to us, but our very own Martin Shuttlecock appears to be familiar with the publication, after purchasing his first copy at a home game in the 1991/92 season, when United finished runners up to Leeds.

So we asked him. Even though he really is a daft bastard.

"It's not like Red Issue to publish Scousist propoganda at all," he told us. "The contributors to the fanzine have always been scrupulously fair, and have never referred to their Scouse brethren as 'bin dippers' 'granny stabbers' or 'Mickeys' and I've never heard the terms 'Kenny Dogleash,' 'Graeme Spewmess' or 'I love Jan Molby but I couldn't eat a whole one' mentioned in the fanzine. To suggest that the contributors to Red Issue are Scousist is just ridiculous. And if you don't believe me, ask a bitter Bertie Magoo, or a sheep-shagger, or a rent boy. They'll tell you."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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