Written by Wrighty
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Friday, 10 February 2012

image for Steve McClaren rules himself out of England job

Fc Twente's flamboyant Dutch manager Steve McClaren has officially ruled himself out of the newly vacant England managers post. Given that McClaren was never "ever in a million years" (FA chairman David Bernstein) going to be interviewed for the job, the announcement seems a rather ridiculous and somewhat egotistical move by the former Englishman. McClaren specifically sited difficulties with the English language as a key reason behind his decision. Since moving to Holland only 4 years ago, McClarens grasp of the English language has rapidly diminished to a point where he was quoted in a recent interview as saying "My English... not so good these daysh".

McClaren now has his eyes firmly set on the Dutch national job having recently become a fully fledged Dutch national citizen. At a press conference yesterday McClaren, explained in broken English "I believe...the F.A of England prefer English successor to Capello. This...is wrong. I think... many good foreign managers..like myshelf... that do well". Bizarrely, McClaren still requires a Dutch translator when giving interviews to the Dutch press, posing the question whether he is now fluent in any language at all?

McClarens transformation from reviled England manager to Dutch superhero has been quite remarkable and plans are already afoot to re-name a stand at FC Twente's home ground after their title winning boss. It is reported that the stand will include a large circular roof in the shape of an umbrella to ensure that all members of the crowd are fully sheltered from the elements during Twente's home games. McClaren is rumoured to be delighted with this tribute.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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