Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Friday, 10 February 2012

image for Carry On Up The Capello.
HMS England sailing to Euro 2012.

John Terry has paid tribute to Fabio Capello and expressed his personal regret at losing the England captaincy .

"The eyetie stood down in protest at how the FA treated me. I expect everyone in the country to follow his example and resign from their jobs first thing in the morning," said Terry.

Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas was the first to back John Terry and has resigned as Chelsea boss, clearing the way for Capello to take over as Roman Abramovich's bottom man at Stamford Bridge.

Elder statesman Ray Wilkins has asked for calm in his address to the nation and has offered his services to the country after an Italian abandoned a sinking cruiseliner for the second time this month.

"My word, is there a better qualified candidate out there for the task ahead than myself? I am on first-name terms with all of the players. But alas, that's enough procrastination for one evening. I am off to sink my nuts into Mrs. Wilkins whilst roaring, 'ENGLAND'S NUMBER ONE'" said an excited Ray.

Fans are now demanding the appointment of a patriotic white man to lead the team and Sam Allardyce has told Sky Sports HD that he had been approached about the position.

"I have just spent two hours on the phone to the FA, but nothing has been agreed yet. It could have been very different, though, if the cunts had let me speak to someone other than Doris the fucking cleaner," said an angry Big Sam.

But in breaking news, Harry Redknapp is now odds on favourite with the bookies to take the helm at HMS England and has admitted to an undercover reporter form the Sun that he has been fitted up by the FA.

"I am finking of taking the job for the Euros. As long as the Euros get paid into my offshore account. 6 million sovs shared wiv me dog...lovely jubbly," said candlewax face last night.

John Terry has denied calling Fabio Capello a "fucking Italian cunt."

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