Written by Jaggedone
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Tuesday, 7 February 2012

image for Kenny Dalglish substitutes Andy Carroll with a "pussy"!
Liverpool FC's substitutes bench, full of them, pussies that is!

After Fernando Torres of Chelsea, Andy Carroll bites the biscuit as the second big time loser in the Premier league and slowly Liverpool manager, Kenny Dalglish, is beginning to see what they paid 35 million quid for, a "pussy"!

Andy, struggling to understand what a goal actually is (the thing between two white posts and a white bar, even a blind person can see that) fired blanks last night just like he's done all season. He nearly managed to hit the proud Liverpool flag, which was waving westwards to Manchester, as he ballooned yet another shot over the bar against Tottenham.

Dalglish reacted sharply and substituted Carroll with a real pussy and the real pussy got nearer the goal in the five minutes he was on than the other "pussy", get my drift?

The Scouser crowd cheered as the real pussy ran towards the Spurs goal hoping he would at least get nearer than "pussy Andy" did all night. But the crosses coming in were slightly too high for a header on target so Dalglish substituted the real pussy for a Uruguayan "nasty pussy" who missed a "dead sitter" with his head and then kicked the shit out of honest, hard working Spur, Scott Parker (at least he didn't bite his ear off!).

After all it is Liverpool FC we are reporting about and they have several other "pussies" in their line-up, but none who spit and bite quite like senior pussies, Carroll and Suarez!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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