BILLINGSGATE POST - Despite his second-half heroics, Eli Manning could not overcome the lead built by Madonna during the half-time show yesterday and fell short in his bid to win his second Super Bowl MVP award. Instead, "Embalmer to the Stars," Whitney de Leon of Hollywood, a direct descendent of Ponce, was unanimously awarded the trophy and the spanking new Corvette that goes along with it.
With over 110 million football fans watching the game, most thought that Manning should not even have been runner-up. Many tweeters said that British singer M.I.A. should have won outright for flipping the bird and appearing to sing, "I don't give a f..k" during her supporting role.
Not since Justin Timberlake ripped off Janet Jackson's bustier during the 2004 half-time show has a non-football player won a Super Bowl MVP. Certainly this is the first time that someone not even attending the game has won, according to NFL football statisticians.
Mr. de Leon, who was unable to attend the game because of work demands - he was primping up the cadaver of Marilyn Monroe for a remake of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - said that winning this award "was certainly his proudest moment as an embalmer" and thanked his mom and dad for the sacrifices they made to send him to embalming school.