John Terry has spoken to the people after his team cheated their way to victory against QPR in the FA Cup.
Chelsea nicked a result in the match due to Daniel Sturridge stepping on a Second World War landmine in the Loftus Road penalty area after receiving a glancing look from the honest QPR defender Clint Hill.
"That was a definite penalty, don't know what QPR fans are on about. Anyway, let's just shake on it and forget the whole thing", said the Chelsea skipper.
With John Terry's court case involving alleged racial abuse of Anton Ferdinand taking place this week, the FA cancellled the traditional pre-game handshake because the England captain had blistered hands from building an orphanage and digging a well in war torn Uganda.
Chelsea manager Andre Villas Boas told Sky Sports that he loves John Terry but has not yet had full sex with him.
"John should not have to listen to lies about him shagging Wayne Bridge's missus or chants about his mum being a shoplifter. He is captain of England and has the country behind him, especially the darkies", said Villas-Boas.
John Terry has dismissed all rumours and accusations and addressed the nation on Twitter.
"To show that Chelsea are in no way an inherently racist club, we will be renaming both the East and West stands at the Bridge. The East stand will now be known as The Tram Women End, and the West stand is now the Sir Jim Davidson Stand", said the diplomatic England captain.