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Saturday, 28 January 2012

image for Soweto Stands Firmly Behind Man United And QPR On FA Cup 4th Round Anti-Racism Day
Evra Anticipates A Warm Welcome From The Kop.

In the wake of a torrent of racist allegations against Chelsea's John Terry, and Liverpool's loose cannon, Luis Suarez, and completely overlooking the fact that the FA, although currently campaigning to 'kick racism out of football' don't quite appear to have adequately grasped the nettle - so to speak, South African fanzine editor, Milton Mboku has issued a strong statement in support of the 'injured' clubs.

"Soweto will be firmly behind Manchester United and Queens Park Rangers today," Mboku declared.

How much of a consolation this distant moral support will have on Anton Ferdinand - who will reluctantly shake John Terry's hand - or not, and Patrice Evra - who will face a baying Kop, who aren't racist at all, but detest Manchester United and Evra in particular, but obviously not in a racist way - remains to be seen.

According to rumour, both offended parties have sought expert advice. Ferdinand has allegedly been in contact with Wayne Bridge, in order to learn how to tell Terry to: "Go fuck" himself without TV cameras picking up on his lip movements, and thus avoiding a handshake. Whilst Patrice Evra has been taking extra training lessons from Gary Neville, on how to run the full length of the pitch after a goal, kissing the Manchester United badge, and giving the massed ranks of Scousers the middle finger.

Mboku added:

"There is no place for racism in the beautiful game. But there is a solution. Ferdinand and Evra should have Terry and Suarez beaten to within an inch of their lives, with heavy clubs, have vuvuzelas jammed into their hasses, and then have petrol filled berning (sic) tyres placed around their necks, and bern (sic) them! Bern them all to hell! Bern them! Like we do in Soweto! Soweto is firmly behind Manchester United and Queens Park Rangers today!"

Mario Balotelli said later, after reading a transcript of the statement, that he agreed, and that he'd have 'some of that.'

Although he admitted that he wasn't at all sure what anybody was getting at.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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