Arsene Wenger has long opposed the transfer window and refused to sign players in the January, but has gone back on the statement after a recent mathematical blunder in the home defeat to Manchester United and swooped in for former Countdown brainbox Carol Vorderman.
"I have made 50,000 substitutions in the last 30 years" said Wenger, refusing to justify why he took off Alex Oxlade-Chamberlein for russian tortoise Andre Arshavin in the second half.
Fans on twitter were quick to point out that even playing 75 games a season, that would be 22 subs per match, even more than Sven Goran Errikson managed in England friendlies.
"It was a rare public error by Wenger" a club insider told the spoof. "When it was pointed out to him, he immediately made inquiries to Carol's availability and she will help him with this weekends tactics and after match stats. He'll be even more informed that Opta this time"
Arsenal fan Adam Richardson said "I thought it was going to be Andy Carrol but Carol Vorderman will probably be better value for money"