Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Tuesday, 24 January 2012

image for Pompey Cash Crisis - At Last, Something To Celebrate!
A scene in Portsmouth yesterday.

The latest cash crisis at Portsmouth FC has been welcomed by "superfan" Jake Seaport.

The club announced yesterday that it has been hit with a winding-up order by HM Customes and Revenue over an unpaid tax bill of £1.6 million. The crisis has been brought on by owners, Convers Sports, entering administration.

Despite the doom and gloom surrounding the Fratton Park club, who were founded in 1898 and have won the League Title twice and the FA Cup three times, Mr Seaport, 63, of Emsworth is celebrating.

"Phew! Thank Jimmy Dickinson for that. It almost looked like we was gunna to get ayt of it, what with another crackpot owner lined up an' all.

"When Ah 'ears 'es pulled ayt of the deal at the weekend, Ah breathes a roight soigh of relief, Ah do's.

"Ah've followed Pompey all moi loif, Ah 'as, an' we've been facing foinancial croisises of one sort or another every decade since the 60's, so Ah's never been 'appy with being in the Premier League recently and winning the Cup an everythin'.

"Nope, this is 'ow it should be. Ev'rythin's back to normal at Pompey and we can get on with it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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