The World of Sport was rocked to its very foundations when it was announced that David Beckham has signed a new two-year deal at LA Galaxy.
Many thought that the football star wanted to return home to the UK as soon as possible with his wife Thin Spice and his four children Golden Gate Gordon, Subway Seat Sacha, Stannah Stairlift Susan and Harpic Toilet Cleaner Harry in order to count his cash.
However, the full extent of the shock was revealed by LA Galaxy manager, Ford P Pel Karrier, when he admitted that he didn't think Mr Beckham would stay at all.
He said that having overcome the shock that Mr Beckham could actually write his own name himself on the contract, and in joiney-up-writing, he was more than even more alarmed to realise that Mr Beckham could actually read.
He went on to say that he had been lead to believe that all UK Premiership footballers were terminally stupid, capable only of spitting, arguing with the referee, running around the football pitch with the shirts pulled over the heads or crashing necessarily expensive cars into tunnel walls.
"I have even heard of footballers hiring an assistant to help with their bank card pin when one of the four numbers was found be higher than a four."
David Beckham was unable for comment as he and his wife were meeting to decide an extraordinarily and embarrassingly stupid name for their next child.