Written by Ellis Ian Fields

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Tuesday, 17 January 2012

image for Pompey Ownership Saga: Superfan Runs Away
Mr Seaport, before running away yesterday.

Friends and family of Portsmouth 'superfan' Jake Seaport were concerned for his safety last night.

Mr Seaport, 39, of Southsea, was last seen running along Goldsmith Avenue away from Fratton Park late yesterday after an interview with EIF News & Features.

We had approached him to discuss the rumours concerning the club's latest prospective owner.

Sports Editor Thelonious Adidas reports: "Once we heard the rumour that Pompey might be taken over by American-Sicilian businessman Joseph Cala, we asked Mr Seaport for his comments and our reporter, Jimmy Dickinson - ha ha, no... no relation to the legendary Pompey and England left half - met him at Fratton Park.

"He hadn't heard about Mr Cala, so Jimmy told him what we knew - including his interest in building underwater hotels. Jimmy says Mr Seaport went white - proper ghostly - then started mumbling, 'Oh no, not another nutter.'

"He apparently then stuck his fingers in his ears and ran away singing nonsense about never supporting Southampton no matter how bad things got."

A spokesman for Mr Seaport's family said: "Oh, he'll turn up... he always does. Oh yes... all right... if you insist - we are concerned for Jake's safety."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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