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Saturday, 21 January 2012

image for Chelsea appoint new coaching staff to pile pressure on Andre Villas-Boas
The Golden Happening at the Bridge

Following another disappointing premier league result, Chelsea owner Roman Abramovitch heaped more pressure on manager Andre Villas-Boas yesterday by forcing him to appoint three extra coaches to his backroom team. Significantly, many say, two of the three are actually ex-Chelsea managers.

The club press officer Gill Hingham then announced the three new signings at a press conference while Villa-Boas sat with his arms crossed and eyes looking up to the sky.

GOLDEN HAPPENING

"Today we have brought in three hugely experienced names to help Andre achieve his and our dreams here at the Bridge. Glenn Hoddle, Guus Hiddink and Gerard Houllier will help with training, scouting and tactics. We're calling it the 'Golden Happening' because we believe the trio will help AVB and the players open a new chapter in the clubs history. One small problem - they're all on big salaries so we had to make some cutbacks on the kit and they will all share one tracksuit top - luckily they all have the initials GH"

Late last night, a club insider suggested AVB was not happy with the triple appointment and he has already coined nicknames for the three.

"He's calling them Glenn 'Gobshite' Hoddle because he talked himself out of the England job with the disabled comments, Gerrard 'houdini' Houllier because he'll probably be the first to disappear with his heart condition, and Guus 'grandad' Hiddink because he's too old now to manager a team day to day and prefers coaching national teams".

Gordon Halibut, chief sportswriter for the Globe & Herald said on twitter last night "It's clear what happened - Roman told the chairman "Get Help". Fan Gary Herbert also added ironically on the site "God Help - us"

EX Bristol Rovers manager Glynn Hodges told Skoob Sport News "I'm disappointed they never called me"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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