Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Monday, 16 January 2012

image for Tim Tebow Saves Patriot Cheerleader From Damnation With Eye-Black Message: John 16:13
Cheer On!

Foxborough - Although Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos were soundly defeated by the New England Patriots Saturday night, leggy Patriot cheerleader Cassandra Williams declared that she had found God through the eyeblack message on Tebow's cheeks that chilly evening in New England.

Cassandra, the daughter of a Baptist preacher, had fallen out of favor with both her father and God, or so she thought. Before she met the Bronco's young quarterback on the field after the game, she had little hope of being saved. Her attire, which showed an abundance of cleavage and perky buttocks, was causing many a sexually ambivalent Patriot fan to take his eyes off the matinee-handsome Tom Brady and cast them on her heaving breasts. And she knew it.

She was there waiting for Tim Tebow as he was walking off the field with black John 16:13 stenciled under his eyes. She asked him if she could be saved from eternal damnation, as her father suggested was her due, for running around in her skimpy suit, provoking thoughts of concupiscible pleasure in the dirty minds of drunken Patriot fans.

As if spoken by the Almighty himself, Tebow put his hands on the shoulders of the quivering Cassandra and assured her that God loves cheerleaders as much as virgin quarterbacks:

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." John 16:13

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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