Tottenham 'otspur manager, 'arry Redknapp, on a recent trip to Madrid has been mugged. 'Arry was visiting a Real Madrid v Athletico Madrid game when suddenly two illegal immigrants dropped on their knees in front of him. 'Arry fought they were Garef Bale worshippers, so he frew a couple of euro cents on the ground, good 'arted chap that he is. But then they started tugging on his designer trousers from 'arrods, 'arry's favourite shop.
'Arry fought, "what the fuck, like!" Then suddenly two uvvvers attacked him from behind and then 'arry fought, "fuck me they're gays!" The muggers nicked his wallet and keys and left him with his trousers 'anging around his ankles.
He left the match early because he didn't 'ave enough dosh for a taxi, so he "shanksies ponied" it back to the 'otel. On 'earing of his problem, "The Special One" José Mourinho, gave 'arry some dosh for the taxi back to the airport.
'Arry's now back in his 'ouse under Bow Bells and after a good "kip" came down the apples and pears, had a slice of 'oly ghost and shanksies ponied to White Hart Lane because the bastards nicked his car keys.
'Arry has sworn never to go back to Madrid without his bodyguard, Joe Jordan, toothless Scottish bovver boy!