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Friday, 13 January 2012

image for Balotelli Stool Sample to be Auctioned on Ebay
Holy crap! Mario takes a dump in Catholic College Toilet

Controversial footballer, Mario Balotelli, has been at it again. It appears that he popped into a Manchester sixth form college to use their toilet. Catholic Sixth Form College, The College of the Holy Water, have identified the toilet in question and it appears Mario may have left behind a floater. The college now plan to sell the fragrent Yule-log on auction site, Ebay.

College Principle, Michael Headridge said, "We were delighted when Mario Balotelli decided to er...pay us a visit, so to speak, but we now feel that we have been twice blessed, as Saint Mario - as I like to call him - may have left us a blessing of his own!"

Student Derek Dumbledore claims to have witnessed the incident.

"I was lunch time. I was standing at the urinal, waiting for divine inspiration - if you know what I mean! - when who should duck into one of the cubical next to me? Only bloody Mario Balotelli, that's who! I was so excited I nearlly sprayed my shoes! I waited for a while, becuase I could hear muffled straining noises coming from inside the cuibicle. I couldn't believe it! Mario Balotelli giving birth to a toilet snake in my presence! I felt so privileged. After five minutes or so, Mario appeared from the cuibicle looking sheepish before disappearing out the door. It appears that flush is a bit iffy on that toilet and Mario's bum bratwurst was still floating elegantly in the smelly font of contemplation. I immediatly notified the Hall Monitors who sealed off the toilet in case anything should happen to it."

It appears that Derek's quick thinking may have been a financial boon for the College, as they are now investigating ways of making money from the visit. As well as selling the stool (now freeze-dried and encased in plastic) they plan to organise walking tours of the cubical where the visitation took place.

"We are even having one of those little blue plaques made up" explained College Principle Micheal Headridge "Although maybe brown would be a more appropriate colour."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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