The QPR authorities are to sentence anyone who has not participated in mourning sessions for deposed leader Neil Warnock to terms in North Korean labour camps, reported the Shepherd's Bush Gazette.
The decision to hand out punishments of at least half a season to non-mourners came after the signing of the Books of Condolence, which were held across West London earlier this week.
Neil Warnock was given his P45 on January 8 2012, aged 63 years, after 22 glorious months as supreme ruler of the Superhoops.
The local newspaper said that people who had e-mailed Mr Warnock with their regrets at his getting the sack, but were judged not to have shed genuine tears, could also be sent to North Korea.
QPR's state run news agency Twitter has compiled a list of traitors who have taken the piss out of Colin's ill fitting dentures and glorified the furtive tactics of new leader Sheepshagger 'Sparky' Hughes.
In other developments, QPR has reported that the demise of Neil Warnock has been marked by his ex -players suddenly turning up for training and the cheating wankers at the FA celebrating by opening a bottle of cream sherry.